Silky Johnson: Welcome everyone to this very special Philadelphia edition of Jeopardy. I'm your host "The Immortal Silky Johson," filling in for Alex Trebek this evening. Let's meet our contestants?
First up we have Lexington Kentucky native David Akers. It's said that David is no longer able to make a field goal over 40 yards. So Tells us a little something about yourself Dave?
Akers: Actually I prefer to be called David, and I uhh.... I'm a 3-time Pro Bowl kicker for the Eagles. This will be my 10th season in the NFL. That's completely unfounded. I'm currently 1/2 from beyond 40 yards, and if you say anything about it again, I'll give you nuts a first hand glimpse of making a 53 yard field goal!
Silky Johnson: Ouch Green Akers, I'm sure you are money from 40 yards. Let's introduce our next contestant. He's in his 6th season out of Rutgers University. Please welcome L.J. Smith. L.J. I hear that you received the franchise tag last year. Are you planning on making more plays in the passing game?
L.J: Yeah son, I'm getting ready to revolutionize the the Tight End game. I'm a blow up this year. Joe Banner better start making room under the cap for my contract! Jason Witten can't even hold my jock strap, but he can rub lower back. It's been really sore.
Silky Johnson: That's great L.J. Keep living the dream. Until then, we'd like some touchdowns. Now, I would like to introduce our third contestant. He hails from Maryland, and is in his 7th season with the Philadelphia Eagles. Please welcome Brian Westbrook. Brian, how's your ankle doing?
B-West: Yeah, I have been rehabbing my butt off, but I can't put weight on my ankle right now. You'll have to ask Coach if I'll be ready for the Redskins.
Silky Johnson: Oh, I will ask Coach Reid. I'm sure that he'll give me the 411 on your status. Well, Dave, L.J, Brian, are you ready?
David, L.J, Brian: Hell yeah!!!
Silky Johnson: Then let's begin. Remember to place all of your answers in question format. Here are your categories.
(synthesizer sound as the board populates)
- Goal Line Offense
- DeSean Jackson
- Field Goals
- Receiving
- Tight End
- Redskins
Silky Johnson: Let's begin. Green Akers, will you do the honors?
Akers: It's David, you asshat! I'll take Field Goals for 200.
Silky Johnson: Field Goals for 200, In 2003 what Eagles kicker had a field goal percentage of 82.8?
(Complete silence)
Silky Johnson: Brian, you need to press the button on your clicker to answer. Not raise your hand.
(Westbrook presses the button)
Silky Johnson: Yes Brian.
B-West: Who is David Akers?
Silky Johnson: That's correct. Brian, you may choose the topic.
B-West: Yeah, I'll take receiving for 500, Alex.
Silky Johnson: Receiving for 500. In 2007, who led the Eagles with 90 catches?
(silence)
Silky Johnson: Brian, I told you need to press the button.
(B-West presses the buzzer)
B-West: Who is me?
Silky Johnson: Eww, sorry Brian that's incorrect.
(L.J buzzes in)
Silky Johnson: L.J. Smith
L.J: Yeah, Who is Brian Westbrook?
Silky Johnson: That's correct. Please proceed L.J.
L.J: I'll take DeSean Jackson for for 100 Silky.
Silky Johnson: In the 2008 NFL draft, this wide receiver from Cal was one of the Eagles' 2 secon.d round draft picks.
(Akers buzzes in)
Silky Johnson: Greenie.
Akers: Who is DeSean Jackson?
Silky Johnson: That’s correct. You have control of the board.
Akers: It’s David you dick! I’ll take Field Goals for 500.
Silky Johnson: Field Goals for 500 is today’s Picture Daily Double. Green Eggs & Spam, what is your wager?
Akers: Jesus Christ! Sorry Lord. (mumbled prayer). I’ll wager it all.
Silky Johnson: OK, This Steeler was celebrating with the sluts of Dundalk, MD, after hitting a 49 yard field goal for an overtime win against the Ravens.
(Akers buzzes in)
Silky Johnson: Akers
Akers: You are an asshole!
Silky Johnson: That’s incorrect
(Time expires)
Silky Johnson: The correct answer is; who is Jeff Reed? (echoes; Who is Jeff Reed?) Mr. Akers is still in control of the Board.
Akers: I’ll take Field Goals for 400 douchebag.
Silky Johnson: There’s no need for name calling “Hampered Legs.” Field Goals for 400; This Eagles kicker missed two field goals against the Bears in 2008.
(Akers buzzes in)
Akers: (mumbles; I hate you) Who is David Akers?
Silky Johnson: That’s correct. Please, go again.
Akers: Goal Line Offense for 100.
Silky Johnson: He’s the coach that is responsible for running the same play 4 consecutive times at the Bears goal line on Sunday.
(L.J Buzzes in)
L.J: Who is Brad Childress?
Silky Johnson: Maybe, In some alternate universe. The Same universe where you are a threat in the red zone L.J. However, in this universe that is incorrect.
(B-West raises his hand)
(No response)
(Akers buzzes in)
Akers: Who is Coach Andy Reid?
Silky Johnson: That’s correct. Davie boy, it’s your roll.
Akers: That’s it asshole. I’m shoving my foot up your ass, and when I am done the answers; is who is Chris Cooley?
Silky Johnson: That’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for playing!
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